Highs and lows

Each night at camp, we had our own version of “highs and lows.” We called it “high, higher, highest.” We asked the girls to go around and tell us their three favorite parts of the day, in order of the best parts. Since I neglected my blog through to the end of the semester (as expected), I’m going to make my own highs and lows list – no, not high, higher, highest because let’s face it, there is no way I’m ¾ of the way done with college without any lows.

High: My Capstone Proposal was approved with only minor changes – now I can work on it all summer as planned

Low: “Losing” my phone and wallet at a nightclub in Providence

High: Finishing all of my papers and study guides before finals to avoid stress

Low: Having 3 back to back exams, resulting in a serious caffeine rush

High: Finishing out my junior year of college, ready and excited for a fabulous summer internship with WPIX

Low: Finishing out my junior year of college means I’m a senior in college…

High: Meeting someone amazing (nope, no more details)

Low: Living 3 hours away from that person for the next 3 months

High: Winning housing. We got the first pick and I have a single for next year

Low: Living in the townhouses means I have to seriously learn to cook this summer…

High: Sticking to a solid gym schedule for the first semester ever – meaning that, for once, I was able to put myself first and it wasn’t at the cost of my grades either

Low: Still not managing to get that President’s List status at the end of the semester – c’mon 4.0

High: New friends. Allowing myself to get close to people. A new best friend.

Low: Girl drama – you can’t please everyone

High: No MWF classes next semester

Low:  Growing up too fast – I sure wish time would stop, or at least slow down, a bit

High: Saving some money this semester

Low: Looking at spending most of it this summer as I’ll be relatively unemployed…

High: Summer, the beach, a tan, and the warm sun

… It’s been pouring rain since I got home on Sunday. I started to watch Friday Night Lights based on a recommendation, so at least that’s been occupying my time – and my insomnia. I just hope to get some sun soon, we all know my white skin needs it.

Seriously inspired.

I started reading Katie Couric’s book The Best Advice I’ve Ever Got” at the gym on the bike yesterday. I pre-ordered it, so it arrive the day it was released, and after the typical “Theresa, you would”s and the “Oh god, really?” comments from everyone I know, I started reading. I’m pages in, and I’m seriously inspired. 

Her first job at ABC was because she drove down there and made them see who she was and what she was made of … sounds like someone I know pretty well! Basically, I’m coming to realize that with drive and determination, anything is going to be possible for me. I’m looking forward to reading the rest of what she has to say.

If I grow to be even half as successful, passionate and driven as she has been in her career so far, that’d be enough for me. I know I’ve got the drive and the passion, it’ll just be a few more years before I land the career!

I’ll leave you with this..

In light of all the nonsense going on in  my life lately, I found this so appropriate:

“Very few of us get through life unscathed. Scratch beneath a stranger’s surface and you’re likely to uncover professional setbacks, broken hearts, unspeakable loss, unfulfilled dreams, or worse. Everyone seems to keep going but, God knows, navigating through it all isn’t easy.”

I need a tan.

In all seriousness, I do. Watching this episode reminded me of it because I look ghostly. Good thing Cosmopolitan scared me out of ever going to a tanning salon again — at least until my wedding (if someone will ever marry my crazy ass).

But seriously, check out last week’s episode of Bryant News Broadcast here.

Turning dreams into plans.

I could spend the next 10 minutes writing a long-winded explanation as for why I’ve yet to post a thing about my life in the past 3 weeks, make a single comment on the start of baseball season (arguably, the thing I’ve been most anticipating since Christmas season ended), or discuss in depth my internship offer. But you don’t care. What you do care about, are the answers to all of those questions and details about those things. So, I’ll start with the internship…

We discussed this, my application woes – I sent out 15 applications. I have big dreams and I’ve always prided myself in the fact that nothing has ever been handed to me. Which is a good thing since if you want a job in broadcast, nothing will ever be handed to you.

Well, after an unusual way of contacting the News Director at WPIX, I landed my first interview. Nervous as ever, I planned it for the Monday of spring break. My mom went with me so we could be sure I wouldn’t get lost, and I took the LIRR into Penn and then a taxi over to the News Building. It took me about 10 minutes to get on the right elevator, on the right side of the building, to get to the second floor – I really think my first test was figuring out how to even get to their office… good one WPIX.

I left my interview feeling confident, and nervous at the same time. I was told I wouldn’t hear until April 15. That is a long time to play the waiting game.

Luckily, Bryant decided to keep me busy—5 exams in one week? Sure. Papers, exams and homework assignments keeping me in the library until 2 am most nights since then? Absolutely. However, the Thursday night of that dreadful exam week, I got the e-mail alert from g-mail on the bottom of my screen. I was nervous … do I check, or do I ignore it until after my exam the next morning in case its bad news?

I’m compulsive. I checked. Then I cried. I got it. On my path to my dreams, this is absolutely a huge step. Last summer, working for a newspaper made me realize that while that was enjoyable, I wanted to get deeper and more involved and I wanted to explore TV. Now I can. I start June 6 and I will be rotating between 3 sections of the news room. I’m so excited.

In other news, I was elected as President of the Communication Society last week. Granted, I ran unopposed, but I’m still excited to bring all of my ideas and goals to the table for the next year. I’ve got my partner in crime at my side as Vice Prez, and I’m looking forward to getting into it.

In terms of updates, it looks as if I’ve got nothing left except to tell you all that I got first pick for housing next year, K5 will be the townhouse to be at and that I got all of my classes—but if you go to Bryant and you’re reading this, I’ve probably just made an enemy out of you – sorry! I’ll be taking 4 classes (a nice plus to being so ahead in credits) and they’ll all be on Tuesday/Thursday. This means I can break up my 20 hours of working between Admissions and the Writing Center a bit better, and that I can get some rest. I’ve realized more and more lately that I struggle with starting any work or papers before 11 PM because I get so busy in the day, and like to fit the gym in, so when I’m wired and doing work at 2AM, at least I’ll be able to sleep in a bit the next morning next year!

I’ll be taking Studio Production, Field Production, Marketing Policy, and Communication and Conflict Management in Intimate Relationships – maybe I’ll be able to figure out why my most serious relationship as of late has been with the library?!

As for now, I have to go to my tour time – Admitted Student Days and Open House have been going on on campus so Admissions has been pretty swamped! But I did realize, as I’ve been saying, you can’t stress things, especially those things which you don’t have control over:

Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.

I think that what has really got me through this past 2 weeks of fun filled insanity with no sleep, besides my friends, has been the thought that it’s all paying off. I’m so excited for this internship and it feels so good to know my hard work is getting me places. My parents always tell me I shine like a diamond, but it’s so amazing to see that other people see my potential and want to help me reach my dreams. I promised my dad when I picked Bryant that I’d get a job that when he told people about it, they wouldn’t react with questioning faces (although now, Bryant is so huge on Long Island since going DI and becoming more recognizable academically outside of New England—YAY BRYANT). Well, how’s WPIX sound for an internship, dad?

Hey uh, Katie Couric, I heard you’re leaving CBS – should I mail my application now?

Bryant News Broadcast!

Last week’s episode is up on Youtube. Click that lovely photo of me for the full episode. Please keep in mind that Court was lying through her teeth when she denied me a date on TV– and also that I’m going to get her back this week!



When you can’t make lemonade from lemons.

I’ve just had my first moment to breathe since I’ve been back from spring break: its 1 am. In reality, this isn’t actually a moment to breathe, but more of a moment of procrastination. After completing my sociology homework, writing a 6-page film paper, reading an article for media effects (x2) and taking notes on another article for a presentation, I’ve decided to call it quits. Next week I’m looking at exams on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Oh, and class registration Thursday morning (the most stressful 45 seconds of every semester). No, this isn’t finals week, this is the way Bryant operates. Exams happen at the same time, and you learn to deal.

Do I have it worse than anyone else? Maybe, but probably not. Does my head feel like it’s going to explode? Absolutely. The good news is I’m learning to function on minimal sleep again! With my capstone proposal out of the way, I thought things might get easier for me – now I’m just glad the deadline was when it was so I don’t have to worry about that, too!

As I sat and vented with a friend about our looming exams, papers and presentations tonight I realized something: things aren’t as bad as they seem.

When I left home to come back to Bryant, I left a distraught and stressed out situation at home. Another death in my dad’s building at work, another cop making the ultimate sacrifice and dying in the line of duty. I thought to myself, this is the real world. My dad’s fears, whether admitted or not, are now centered on his own life and protection. The reality of how quickly a cop can be killed in the line of duty has been slapping everyone in the face a lot lately. And while I wonder and worry about my dad’s protection, it’s easy for me to put it in the back of my mind because life in college is a distraction. You live in a bubble and the outside world doesn’t seem to exist when you have 5 exams, 2 papers and a presentation in one week.

That’s when I came to this miraculous conclusion. Right after I had my first coffee that is. Well, a latte, is a latte still a coffee? It took me three years, but college and minimal sleep finally got to me. Let me tell you, I was wired and I only finished half of it. The effects are dying down now, and while I could finish it and keep going, I think my body will hate me tomorrow.  I digress.

What I’m saying here is that no matter what goes on in my life now; things are only going to get harder. Life is never going to stop throwing obstacles my way, and eventually those obstacles and fears are going to be life or death situations. So in reality, the stress I’m dealing with now is merely a preview of what’s to come in life. How we learn to deal with the obstacles in our lives as they come our way is a measure of our character, and our will power to carry on.

Does the fact that I have all of these deadlines and exams suck? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, I’m alive and healthy (aside from sleep deprivation that is) and I’m 21-years old and seemingly invincible. That’s when it came full circle for me. And if you can’t handle the obstacles now, what happens when things get real?

In a sense, I’m thankful for the pressures being put on me at this point in my life, because they are only bracing me for what comes next. And while I will admit I’ve had my fair share of real world obstacles at an early age growing up, the difference between now and then is that right now, I’m on my own to face them – and that’s how it’s going to be for the rest of my life. My actions are individual, and while I have my family to support me and comfort me, the only person who has to live with my choices at the end of the day is me; so I’m glad I’m learning now how to make good choices, and how to deal with life’s lemons when lemonade isn’t an option.

Studio makeup is forever.

Seriously, hours after shooting our third episode, I still hadn’t completely removed all of the studio makeup! That stuff never comes off, huh. Well, here it is, episode 3 – check it out!

I walk with purpose.

I warned you I’d be absent, so don’t get mad at me, okay! Well, I’m basically dating the unistructure lately. Sunday night, we hung out until almost 3 a.m., Monday night we hung out until about 1 a.m., Tuesday night we hung out until midnight, and well today, Wednesday, let’s just say this is the first time I’m back in my room since 9 a.m… its 10 p.m.

Not that I’m complaining. Really, I’m not. If I wasn’t so busy all the time, I’d just be bored all the time. I like to be on the move, always running, and involved. I also have been doing a great job of sticking to my 4 times a week commitment to the gym, so in reality, there are 2 additional hours on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday that I could have, but instead I’m getting my fitness on and such. Which is awesome.

So today, Wednesday: classes, lunch, work, tour time, e-board, Communication Society Meeting, gym, dinner, shower, homework. Which brings me to my point: I walk with purpose?

As I was scurrying from one location to the next in a hurry someone made that observation today. Now, I’ve always said I walk fast, I’m from New York. But apparently, I’ve been wrong all along. Well, I got back here tonight and I was thinking about that statement as I was in the shower… I walk with purpose, so this means I walk with reason, I walk with a goal… isn’t that why everyone walks?

This obviously caused me to Google it. Now there were quite a few results, but the one that got me the most was the one about the unbreakable man laws: walking with purpose. Apparently a man is supposed to walk with purpose because it displays confidence and us women like confidence so if you walk with purpose we’ll be totally swooned. Duh.

Man law #50 even goes so far as to explain to me how to walk with purpose: “In the age of information overload, it is necessary to stay focused on your priorities.  When you wake up you need a plan of attack. Make a plan of action every day. Don’t focus too much on low-level details and how you will get there – a simple plan is enough to set the gears in motion. Having definitive goals each day helps build confidence.” Get priorities, focus on them, and attack each day.

Do I need to be a man to live this law?

I walk with confidence because I am confident… confident that I have ten million things to do and I’m probably running late. I walk with purpose because I have priorities. And I absolutely walk with purpose because I have a plan of attack: get everything done that needs to be done, and get to bed before the 1 a.m.

If that will make me more attractive to women, so be it, but I’m kind of hoping it sways in the other direction too ya know…

As for me right now, I was debating reading for film, but then I decided to take a longer shower and commit myself to catching up on One Tree Hill.

As an FYI, let it be known that I got all my signatures and made the necessary copies of my honors proposal/manuscript today… goal achieved: I was not freaking out the night before it was due, I have two days to spare!

Hey, I’m new at this, okay.

On Tuesday night, we filmed our second episode of the Bryant News Broadcast. I have to say, I’m absolutely loving it.  Don’t get me wrong, I have so much to learn, but any experience to get in front of the camera and see myself afterwards is something to fully take advantage of. I’m so pysched that I got involved with this finally. Practice makes perfect, right?

Check us out! (Clicking the photo brings you there, learned something new today! Haha)

I’ve got my first big exam Monday and then I have to finish up my evolving manuscript and proposal so I won’t make too many promises on how often I’ll post pre-spring break. However, something you’ll absolutely hear from me about this weekend: almost 2,000 teachers were “terminated” in Providence this week — we all know my feelings on using public employees as a scapegoat for financial turmoil..

There’s nothing on the ground but your feet.

Sometimes I like to use my blog to vent, but I think I do so pretty delicately. I don’t think I necessarily start a post with the intention of verbal vomit; I like to use my venting to offer up some advice to those of you who follow along with the life and times of me…

Over the past several weeks I’ve made mention of the fact that my life has been a little more dramatic than I’d like it to be. I’ve felt very lost and very anxious about the immediate future – a change for me, I know, seeing as I’m usually anxious about the distant future at the expense of the immediate future. As out of character as this might sound to those of you who know me personally, or know me in the written-blog-sense, I’ve felt as if I have no idea what comes next… out of place inside my own body so to speak.

I make no secret the fact that I keep my circle of friends tight, and while my acquaintances might stack up, I put the bulk of my effort on the friendship front into a select number of people. For 21 years, that has worked out fantastically for me. Then I got slapped in the face with another one of those experiences that comes before the lesson.

At the risk of being overly dramatic, I will not divulge the details, but basically, I’ve been faced with some serious choices lately. Typically, I put others first and consider myself and my own options a consequence of how everyone else will feel. Then one day I woke up and decided not to do that anymore. To say the least, it hasn’t gone over well with many of the people closest to me.

That’s when I realized something: who cares? No, I don’t mean I don’t care at all, because I’m upset that I’ve become public enemy number one to people I care about over the course of a month without doing anything aside from looking out for my best interest; and I’m upset that I’m seemingly an isolate in the place I spend a lot of my time, but what I don’t care about, is what anyone thinks of my decisions.

For once in my college life, I’ve decided to make a choice which is completely selfish. I put my best interests first, and my own agenda at the head of the table, and now I’ve made other people unhappy, but at the end of the day, I’ve made myself happy.

Just today I was talking with some people I consider myself very close to, and I realized that not only do they agree with me, but these are the people I need in my life – the people who encourage me to do for me. (Yes, mom and dad, I know you two always do that, but aside from you guys!)

While I may be battling the up and down waves of emotional turmoil that is consequent of this whole ordeal, at the end of the day one thing reigns true: in the grand scheme of things, I’ll be happy.

Which is where my lesson comes in:

You can never throw yourself out on the basis of someone else; you should never put your own happiness after someone else’s. The reality is, at the end of the day, people are going to shock you—they’re going to change, and they’re either going to exceed your expectations, or let you down; but regardless, they have their own agendas and intentions, and you have yours. As long as you come out of it at the end happy, and a good person, that’s all that will matter.

What makes a good person? I’m not entirely sure about that one; that’s yet another conversation I’ve had recently. Are you a good person because other people think you are; or are you a good person because you know in your heart you are, and not because you fit in with the mold and conform to other people’s expectations, but because you fulfill your own?

Most of me believes that a good person is someone who dares to be different, while still standing true to sound morals and values; but then I ask, who determines what sound morals and values are?

I guess these questions are what started me on this new path of devoting time each day to myself; time to do something that isn’t school, career or commitment related. (Aside from the gym of course – by the way, 9 pounds lost since Jan 25 and I’m feeling so in shape and getting ready to run some serious road races this summer, dad!) Which is why I started reading again…

Before I got into the hustle and bustle of college life, I could read a book in a day. My mom joked that I was a true “book worm” because she could never keep up with my reading lists; and my dad always said “I won’t deprive her of reading, buy her the books.” I think I forgot what it was like recently to do something to calm me down, and all of this talk of finding my own happiness started me thinking of it again. Yesterday, I devoted a good deal of the odd time frames of free time (you know, the time after work but  before dinner where it’s too short to do work but too long to stare at Facebook) reading. I told you guys I was about to start on Crime and Punishment; well I did. So far, loving it.

I like the idea of a protagonist who wants to understand if people are inherently good, or whether or not there are separate rules for different groups of people. I also love that it makes me feel smarter as I read it.

At the end of the day, I suppose what I’m getting at with all of this verbal vomit is that even when things look like they can’t possibly get worse, they do; but that doesn’t matter, because as long as you keep your head up, and put yourself first, you’ll be fine. There’s nothing on the ground but your feet, right?

Lesson learned.